Effective Communication Skills

Effective communication skills are important tools that can help you get ahead in life. They allow you to express yourself clearly, listen closely to the other person, and build strong relationships with others.

Frequently, our clients find that their communication with others is not working well.  They may find that they tend to get into conflicts easily, that they are not getting their needs met, that they are lonely and can’t make friends ,or, they have a history of broken relationships. 

Learning to improve communication style is often very helpful in enabling people to gain confidence and improve their self-esteem.  It also helps people to feel in control of their interactions with people and to be more effective, while being authentic. 

There are 3 main styles of communication: 

• Aggressiveness or aggression

• Assertiveness or assertion

• Passivity

Aggressiveness

When you are being aggressive, you put your needs before the other person’s.  It seldom works as it often results in two people in a confrontation with each other. 

An extreme form of aggression is war, for example.  It can seem harmless as in teasing but can be an aggressive act if it humiliates or makes the other person uncomfortable.  Sarcasm is another form of aggression and sulking is passive aggression.

Aggression may work, for example, where someone is threatening you and is not willing to listen to reason, but, on the whole, aggression is to be avoided.

Passivity

 A person is being passive if he puts the needs of others before his own. This may work well for a while, for example, where you always go to the restaurant your friend chooses or you always agree with his opinions. 

The problem with being passive is, that resentment can grow and passive people often have a build up of anger and resentment that may be expressed sporadically in a burst of temper or nastiness

Assertiveness

Assertiveness involves standing up for yourself while still respecting the other person. Assertive communication can help you get your point across effectively, without resorting to aggression or being too passive. 

Assertiveness is the communication style that works best most of the time.  It doesn’t work all the time because some people may react adversely whichever communication style is used.  It is, however, the one that has the best chance of getting a positive result.  In assertiveness we take care of both our own needs and the needs of the other person.  We are after a ‘win win’ situation.