The Myth of Friendship Equivalency

Welcome to our blog which we realise is a little bit different to those we usually write that focus on the Psychology internship, psychological pathways or way to become a psychologist. We figure that as a provisional psychologist, you may wish to also deep dive into psychology issues even if they’re not in the National Psychological Exam!

In the psychological internships, we often focus our study on the Psychological treatment modalities which may be limiting. However, we think understanding social interactions is important as social issues are often a source of distress for adults and children alike. When you're completing the psychological pathways, consider broadening your learning as a way to best support your clients.

Not all friendships are equal, yet people can easily become distressed if they think their friends are not putting into the relationship as much as they receive. For instance, you may call your friend more than they call you, or you may always be the one to initiate plans. This can lead to feelings of resentment and disappointment, causing people to question whether their friendship is really equal.

Some people believe in the myth of friendship equivalency—that all friendships should be give-and-take in perfect balance. Many individuals foster the notion that friendships should exhibit a 1:1 ratio of give and take; if one friend extends an invitation or favor, they anticipate an equal response. They measure their friendships based on the frequency of being called, invitations received, or the number of times a friend has initiated conversations.

This belief system stems from the idea of equity in relationships, assuming that both parties should invest an equal amount of time, effort, and emotional energy. Consequently, they might perceive any deviation from this supposed balance as a sign of inequality or a lack of mutual affection.

However, this is not a realistic expectation for any relationship, including friendships.  Rather than focusing on the quantity or quality of friendships, it's more important to recognise that each relationship we have serves a different purpose and fills a unique role in our lives. Some friends may be there for emotional support during tough times, while others may provide practical advice or simply bring joy and laughter into our lives. Some friends may be good for a chat, while others are better at joining in for a sporting activity or attending concerts together.

The key is to appreciate each friendship for what it brings to our lives instead of trying to make it fit into a specific mold or measure its worth against other friendships. By acknowledging the differences and individuality of each relationship, we can avoid the trap of comparing and weighing our friendships against each other.

Moreover, just because a friend may not always be able to reciprocate in the same way or with the same intensity, it doesn't mean that they don't value your friendship. Everyone has different capacities and ways of expressing themselves, and it's important to respect and understand that. It's also important to understand that the dynamics of friendships can change over time. As we grow and evolve as individuals, so do our relationships with others.

Instead of focusing on whether your friendship seems equal, consider this: a) Do you have a good time together? b) Do they seem to be enjoying themselves when they're with you? c) Do you feel supported and valued in their presence? If the answer is yes to these questions, then the friendship could be a valuable one, regardless of any perceived imbalances.

In short, let go of the myth of friendship equivalency and appreciate each relationship for its unique qualities and what it brings to your life. True friendships are not about keeping score or trying to achieve an imaginary state of balance, but rather about cherishing the connections and experiences shared with others. In fact, differences can be identified but then celebrated, making friendships all the more enriching and meaningful. Let's embrace the idea that not all friendships are equal, but they can still be valuable in their own special way.